Who Am I Without Alcohol?

"Who am I without alcohol?" If you are anything like me, you might have asked yourself this question time and time again.

Even before getting sober, I struggled to wrap my head around the question, if I remove this "thing" who will I be? For me, the "thing" was always alcohol. My relationship with alcohol was a means of escape and safety. I struggled with the internal push-and-pull battles of shame and guilt and my solution to these so-called problems was to numb and do everything in my power to find peace. The truth was that I was only diving deeper into a hole that left me lost in knowing who I was. 

Knowing who we are can seem scary, but not knowing who we are is robbing ourselves of life to the fullest. I wasn't meant to feel the burden of being caught in a repetitive cycle of trying to avoid and numb my feelings yet I constantly was. I wasn't meant to carry the weight of trying to control and manage my drinking yet I felt the struggles continually. I wasn't meant to hide behind alcohol for my entire life yet I constantly ran to it for refuge. 

So, who am I without alcohol? I'm Kyle, I've always been Kyle. I have always been loved and accepted, but since becoming sober I can allow myself to be present with those truths. I get to be the big brother I constantly struggled to be, the best friend who is there for others, and the family member who shows up. I get to show the parts of me that I thought were beyond repair and unworthy to be truly seen. I get to be ME and you can too!